Outtakes Two

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Ink Burns

This is a work of fiction. All characters and events portrayed in this book are fictional, and any resemblance to real people or incidents is purely coincidental.

This is a work of fanfiction, produced according to the principles of transformative fair use as put forward in US copyright law, and abiding by the custom and practice of fan-produced work in Japan, where the source texts were created. No author is in any way affiliated with any of the creators of the source texts, nor with the companies who distribute their products, nor any other rights holder, and these stories were not authorized by either the creators or the producers. Ink Burns is a fan site and the material here is freely provided for the enjoyment of fellow fan-community members; there is no commercial infringement.

This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 US license at the Ink Burns fanfiction archive (http://alltrees.org/archive/).

Published on 2005-01-04 17:10:58.

Attributions can be made by author's name and a link to the archive.

This ebook edition was published on May 16, 2012 by the Ink Burns fanfiction archive.

Outtakes Two

Author and Muse comments on the side, part two. Humor, I-1

Comments Five or Muses Get A Hangout

L

[shoos Hisoka in the direction of the Tezuka Bar & Grille]

Tezuka: ...the what?

Surely you're not content dispensing booze from a paper bag, Tezuka?

Tezuka: ...

My point exactly. You needed an establishment.

B

Tezuka: *grumbling* Am I at least going to get some in return for the Hell you're putting me through?

*floored* Tezuka!

Tezuka: *prim* As long as Echizen is grown up, and not on my team *eyes Sanada* I have no problem with it.

Really? Well, in that case... *thoughtful*

L

Sanada: There's nothing wrong with team bonding.

Niou: Or team bondage. [leer]

Sanada: ...

Tezuka: ...

Niou: I win!

B

Haru-chan! *high fives*

Tezuka: *steadfastly ignoring this* Sanada, I really don't think he has any business in this bar.

Sanada: *growls* I couldn't agree more. Take a hike, Niou, they couldn't torture you if they tried; you think it's all great fun.

Niou: *lazy smile* Make me.

*author cackles in the background*

L

Tezuka: ...bouncers. We need bouncers.

Niou: I could be your bouncer.

Tezuka: We need bouncers to get rid of you.

Sanada: Perhaps that thug from Yamabuki?

B

Tezuka: *dubious* Perhaps. If he could manage it, what with all the toothmarks.

Akutsu: *lounging on barstool* Hell yes, I can manage it. What's in it for me?

Sanada: *promptly* Free drinks.

L

Akutsu: Sold.

Tezuka: Wait a minute, is this Tezuka's Bar & Grille, or Sanada's Bar & Grille?

Sanada: You were wibbling. I had to take prompt action.

Tezuka: I wasn't wibbling! I was considering calling his references.

Sanada: Wibbling.

Tezuka: Looking before leaping.

Sanada: Wibbling.

Tezuka: Considering other options.

Niou and Akutsu: [eye Tezuka and Sanada]

Niou: [shrugs] Whatever. Pour me a drink?

Akutsu: Sure.

Comments Six or Tales from Tezuka's Bar and Grill

L

I've been convinced for a Very Long Time that it's a pretty tough thing, to be Tezuka.

It's really no wonder that Tezuka-muse has taken to drink.

Tezuka: I was driven to drink. Get it right.

Meep! Sorry, sorry.

B

*wibbles* Mitsu-chaaaan! *cuddles Tezuka* I promise we won't torture you anymore!

Tezuka: *sighs* It's part of the job, and I knew that when I took it.

*big wobbly eyes*

Tezuka: *more briskly* And don't make promises you can't keep, Madam.

*sniffs* Okay.

Tezuka: *wry look* This is how you get around Yukimura, isn't it?

Well, yeah. *thoughtful* Doesn't work as well on Hatter, though.

L

Belial: That is because one invented most of those tricks. [smug]

[pets Tezuka] Poor sweet baby. It can't have been any fun at all for him once he realized that breaking the rules for Echizen meant screwing over one of the other Regulars.

Sanada: [twitch] "Poor sweet baby"? [twitchtwitch]

Tezuka: [warning] Sanada--

Sanada: [howls, pounding the table] Bwahahahahahahah!

B

Niou: They're pretty fun like this, aren't they? *holds out glass*

Akutsu: *pours refills* You're easily amused. It was a lot more fun when he thought I was going to kill his precious little ace. *smirks*

Niou: You're psychotic. I like that.

L

Akutsu: Wait, you do?

Niou: [lazy grin] Doesn't everyone?

Akutsu: Not that I've noticed.

Sanada: [still laughing]

Tezuka: [turning progressively darker shades of red] Sanada, I'm warning you...

Niou: [sitting up] Hold on, I think it's about to get interesting.

Akutsu: What, they're finally going to fuck and get it over with?

C

Ryouma: They'd better not be. I haven't spent so much time letting Ahobe screw me to let someone else have Tezuka.

Yagyuu: I'd heard you were a more direct person than that. That's...intriguing.

Ryouma: I would be direct, but Buchou would tell me to stop, and then everything would be ruined. Besides, I have time.

Niou: So where'd your captain get the talent of being selectively deaf?

Ryouma: *thoughtful* I think Fuji-senpai trained him into it.

Niou: That reminds me of a story about Sanada...

Sanada: *abruptly stops laughing*

Tezuka: *smug*

Redux

B

*muffling chortles* Eriol is so very evil. Oh, yes.

*pets Hiyoshi* There, there, the scary man is gone. For now.

Hiyoshi: *dark look* Excuse me, I have to go look for that bar I keep hearing about.

Cam

Sanada: *Looks at Hiyoshi* Here, have a glass.

Hiyoshi: Thanks. *glares at Tezuka* This is all your fault.

Tezuka: ...*hands over the bottle*

Comments Seven or They're Even Evil to Each Other

B

Now... where shall Tsuzuki wind up? *claps hands* Let's play musical shinigami!

Hisoka: Drop dead.

What, before I even get the two of you in bed? *innocent look*

Hisoka: ...I hate you so very much.

Ah, I feel so accomplished.

C

Ryouma: You know, if you're looking for a way out of being in the middle of all those power battles and everything, Sampras...

Tezuka: Echizen, please confine your recruiting efforts to those who are still alive. And human.

Ryouma: But you always tell us that a good leader makes sure that everyone finds his place where he can contribute the most to the team.

Tezuka: ...I'm going back to the bar.

B

Hisoka: *latching grimly onto Tezuka's arm* Don't, for one second, think you're going without me.

Ryouma: *thoughtful* Maybe I should make some flyers to post at the bar...

Cam

Maybe Ryoma should include a fully stocked bar at Sampras. I'm sure people will need it. *grin*

C

Ryouma: I'm probably not going to call it the Tezuka Bar and Grill.

Me: Only because he'd kill you.

Setsuna: Hey, does the Tezuka Bar and Grill serve the Body and Blood of Christ?

Tezuka: ....

Ryouma: Stop that. He's fragile.

Comments Eight or ...Um Authors In A Silly Mood

L

[pets Astaroth]

Poor dear.

B

He's definitely getting the short end of the stick from everyone. Maybe we should give him some humans, too. Jyousei, perhaps? They're all crazy, and after Hanamura nothing Astaroth does will make any of them blink. He can trade tales of twin-woe with those two girl-boys.

L

And molest Kajimoto, too.

Tezuka: [to Kajimoto] Run. Run now.

B

*sparkles* You read my mind! I was thinking that the Head Boy Toy team captain does seem to be the... accommodating sort.

Kajimoto: *sprints*

Fuji: *trips him* Oops. So sorry about that. Now, was there something you ladies wanted with him?

Belial: *begging* Are you absolutely sure one can't have him?

Tezuka: *at end of rope* No, you can't have Fuji, because he's mine, damn it!

Fuji: *raises brows* I am?

Tezuka: *growls*

Ryouma: Ne, Fuji-senpai, I'll arm wrestle you for him.

Kajimoto: *still slightly winded* What is this place?

Tezuka: Hell.

Sanada: Worse. Care for a drink?

L

Em: He's not "the Bendy Buchou" in my head for nothing.

Kajimoto: ...I'll take that drink now, please. Make it a strong one.

Tezuka: Of course.

Fuji: [to Ryouma] Echizen, why so possessive? Have you learned nothing from Rikkai's example? We can share.

Belial: ;_; One wants him for one's collection so very much.

Ryouma: [reflecting] ...share, huh?

Tezuka: [pours himself a drink, too]

B

Ooo, that's right, he is flexible, isn't he? Well, that will go right along with Astaroth's personal Realm O' Bondage, Whips and Chains. *collapses in giggles* He can open a boutique! Right next to Tezuka's Bar and Grill. And Kajimoto can demonstrate the products.

Kajimoto: *turns pale*

Mizuki: *pats his shoulder* Now, don't worry too much. She's the nice one; she won't really hurt you.

Fuji: Much.

Mizuki: It's the other one you have to watch out for.

*distant look* He'd be really pretty in, say, some nice cuffs. A set of four.

Mizuki: ...maybe.

L

I was going to say... Mizuki, babe, you don't know us well at all.

Mizuki: Yes, but I do know that you enjoy having your heart twisted to shreds by angsty toys.

Everyone has a kink, dear.

Mizuki: Some of us prefer our kinks to be sane, and less painful than having our hearts pulled out through our noses and danced on.

Kajimoto: [waves empty glass] Refill please.

Sanada: Coming right up.

B

Fuji: Sane? *leans over Mizuki* Like, say, baiting someone you know likes to break people and then inviting him to break you?

Mizuki: *calmly* Like the Author said, everyone has their kinks.

Kajimoto: *hopefully* Can you give him to this Astaroth person, instead? Sounds like he'd enjoy it.

Not really, not when Tsuzuki's already taken an interest in him. Do you know what he gets like when someone in his protection is tied up by a psychopath?

Kajimoto: *gloomily* Fuck.

I can arrange that, yeah.

Sanada: Word of advice. Don't give this one straight lines like that.

Tezuka: Just remember, we'll be here for you when it's over.

Kajimoto: *glassy-eyed*